I'll Be Good
by galsbeingpals
Summary: Swan Queen. My version of events after the Season 4 finale. Side note: I have changed my name! I used to be reginakatic. Apologies for any confusion this may cause. Trigger warnings for abuse and neglect, as in this story, both Regina and Emma will face the demons of their past. However, unlike on the show, they'll actually deal with them.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: All other stories are still on the radar (especially Extra Credit) but I saw a gifset on tumblr which inspired the title and then… _Sometimes, the only way to get over pain is to feel it._

Set completely in canon (but disregarding *most* spoilers) following on from the Season 4 finale.

Side note: I have changed my name! I used to be reginakatic. I hope you're not too confused.

 **I'll Be Good**

Regina felt the darkness whirl around her, whipping at her body, binding her tighter and tighter until her arms were pinned at her sides and she ceased even to struggle. Resistance was futile. A familiar utterance came to mind.

 _I'll be good._

What a lie that had been. She had been anything but good. She had been _evil_ , pure evil, and now she was getting the punishment she deserved. The punishment she had always deserved, ever since she cost Daniel his life.

It didn't matter that Cora was long dead. Regina's body would remember forever. As the tendrils of dark magic tightened around her, she fell into complete submission. She waited for the inevitable pain.

 _Two belts of dark leather strapped her arms to her sides, tightening painfully. They cut into her even through her riding jacket. She cried out - she had not yet learned not to. Suspended ten feet above ground, her mother still seemed to tower above her._

" _Why must you hurt me so, Regina?" Cora asked sadly._

 _At fourteen years old, Regina already knew better than to believe any emotion displayed by her mother._

" _I'm sorry, please don't do this. Please let me down," Regina begged._

" _Begging is for paupers, girl. Are you a pauper?" Cora demanded._

" _No," Regina gasped; the belts were still tightening and she was beginning to feel painfully hot._

" _Have I not provided for you? Have I not given you everything?"_

" _Yes," Regina said. "Everything."_

 _Cora waved her hand. The heat intensified; Regina could feel sweat blossoming on her brow and trickling down her face, mingling with the few salty tears she hadn't been able to hold back._

" _I'll be good," she promised desperately._

 _Cora turned away. For a moment, Regina thought it was over. The belts loosened and unwound from her torso, but they did not disappear, and she still could not move._

 _At the first strike she screamed so loudly her father, who had been frozen at the side of the training grounds, actually moved. He opened his mouth, looking towards Cora, but then, with a final pained glance at his daughter, he practically ran back to the house._

" _You will be silent," Cora said without turning around. "You deserve this. You give me no other choice."_

 _And with that, she too walked away._

Regina blinked, pushing the memories out of her miserable brain. If this was the end, so be it. She would accept her fate with her head held high. At least in death, she would be saving-

"EMMA, NO!"

BREAK

Emma watched as the darkness swirled around them, looking for its target. It would choose her, it had to. She knew it, just as she'd known, deep down, that the chernabog would want her and not Regina. But to Emma's horror, the black snakes of magic began to wrap around the very person she needed most to be safe.

Regina was Henry's mother. And she was the only person who had ever understood.

"REGINA!" Emma cried.

She ran towards the former queen, seeing something in the woman's eyes. Darkness, not from evil, but from terrible pain. _No, no, no_ , she couldn't leave, she _couldn't_. She was already trying, she was letting herself go, sacrificing herself because of the lies she believed, the lies she had been told her whole life.

Emma knew about lies only too well. But the difference was, she didn't believe them. She knew she was strong, she knew she was powerful, she knew she could beat the darkness if she wanted to.

But did she really want to? Emma ignored the flicker of guilt in the back of her mind. She knew what she was doing. She had to stop Regina. For Regina, this was suicide. For her, it would be…

Destiny.

She raised the dagger, trusting her gut that this would work.

"EMMA, NO!"

She saw the begging in Regina's eyes and met them with her own, trying to convey her strength and conviction to the woman who was quickly becoming one of the most important people in her life.

 _Trust me_.

It was a foolish wish, and she did not voice it. Regina would not trust her, whether the trust was in her loyalty or her survival.

Emma plunged the dagger into the darkness and cried out as the black consumed her. She had felt dark magic before, but never like this. This was pure hatred, pure ugliness, and she _revelled_ in it.

Emma, the saviour, the golden girl, brought to Storybrooke to save a whole world, again and again and again. Mother, daughter, sister, Sheriff, _idol_. She'd never wanted any of it, she'd never needed any of it. she'd never wanted to be a hero and she _hated_ what they'd made her. And now she knew what it had _cost_? She was damn close to hating them too.

She had been nothing, all her life. She had been abandoned, unloved, and alone. She'd dreamed of finding her parents, her family. She'd dreamed of being _loved_. But now she had found them, she wasn't loved, she was used. They were never cruel, but they'd never treated her life as her own. Even before she was born, they'd used her, tried to force her destiny instead of giving her the freedom to be good on her own. They had doubted her since conception. Their love had never been unconditional.

She knew all too well how being replaced by a shiny new baby worked. Naming him Neal had been just another kick in a long line of perfectly aimed blows covering her already battered and weakened body.

She had been so good for them. She had done everything. But it meant nothing, and they weren't worth it.

She hated them.

She wanted them to _suffer_.

Darkness came horrifyingly easily to Emma Swan.

BREAK

The dagger clattered to the ground. Regina stared at it for a long moment.

 _Emma Swan_.

She picked it up, almost cradling it, holding the only trace of the woman's soul she had left.

"What did you do?"

Snow. Regina turned, but for once, she had no snide retort.

"Nothing," she murmured. "She sacrificed herself. For-"

"For the town," David said quickly, looking pointedly at his wife. Regina was momentarily confused, but then nodded.

"For the town. Of course."

"As she should, she's the saviour! But why is she gone?"

Regina wondered why they were all looking at her.

"I don't know," she said, a little defensive now.

Robin reached her and immediately tried to hold her but the memories of being crushed were still far too fresh. She struggled out of his grip, ignoring him as best she could. Since New York, she'd had no idea what to say to him.

"How do we get her back?" Hook asked.

Hook grabbed for the dagger, but Regina had already realised the same thing and poofed it away.

"What are you doing?"

"We can't summon her," Regina said slowly.

"Why not?" Snow demanded, fury with the woman she still saw as the Evil Queen coming naturally to her.

"Because she left willingly. We must allow her to return willingly, too."

"What?"

Regina searched for simpler words to use to explain her belief to the imbecil. "If she wanted to be here, she would be. She just saved us all. Again. Give her a break, she'll come back when she's ready."

"She just absorbed all the dark magic in Storybrooke! How do we know she's okay?"

Regina resisted the temptation to roll her eyes.

"Because she just absorbed all the dark magic in Storybrooke. Combined with her own plentiful supply of light magic, she will be inordinately powerful, possibly _the most_ powerful creature in all the realms-"

"She's my daughter, not some creature!"

Why did they always think she was criticising?

"I merely used the word because she is no longer simply human. And as I was saying, with that power, returning to us will be easy for her when she chooses to do so."

"But then… Why isn't she coming back?" Snow looked around as if expecting her daughter to pop up at any second.

"I guess she's just… Processing," David consoled.

BREAK

Emma _roared._ She had never felt so pure, so honest, so real. And she had never felt such rage.

She remembered every foster parent, every care home, every night of loneliness, every empty stomach, every moment of neglect. She remembered every cut and bruise, she remembered even the most invisible scars. And finally, after more than thirty years, she allowed herself to feel them. She allowed herself to feel _angry_ about them.

Snow and Charming would be fine. They had their perfect replacement baby. Henry would be fine. He had his real mother. Storybrooke would be fine. She had saved them, yet again.

She had saved them, a town of _fucking fairytale characters_ whose world she apparently belonged to. At least it explained why she'd never fitted in anywhere else.

Emma rolled a shoulders, finally examining her surroundings. She was in a forest. Her fingers tingled with magic. She hated the countryside. She remembered Regina explaining how to "poof".

 _New York._

Nothing. _Fuck_. She tried again, but it was no good. She could feel magic, coursing through her veins like deliciously deadly energy. So why wouldn't it…

 _That apple tree._

She materialised beside the tree she had focused on. So it did work. It just… She groaned. She must be in a different realm. Great, fucking great. Not only was she the fucking Dark One, but she was stuck in some godforsaken plane of the universe that probably didn't even have indoor plumbing.

Wait.

She was the fucking Dark One.

She materialised a bathroom. Regina Mills' bathroom, to be exact. It was the nicest one she'd been in.

She left it there for the forest creatures after she'd taken care of everything. She also created a new outfit. If Regina could be a vision in black leather, so could she. In the bathroom mirror, she'd noticed her skin had an odd quality to it… It was as if the magic was barely contained; her body was so saturated by it that she _sparkled_. She conjured an eyebrow pencil. At least she could fix that part.

 _I look like a fucking twilight vampire._ She exploded a nearby tree. Interestingly, it only blew up when she specifically willed it to. She had seemingly endless power - even the huge bathroom had hardly made a dent - but she was completely in control.

The darkness, however… Emma cackled. Time to find some hearts to rip out. Maybe she was in her parents' realm. It did seem familiar… Maybe she could kill an ogre. Now _that_ would be fun. She conjured a gun, glad she knew enough about the inner workings of her favoured weapon to get it right. Then she fired it into the air.

"COME AND GET ME!" she taunted. She fired again. " _Come and get me, assholes!_ "

She heard the thunder of giant footsteps and braced herself for a much needed brawl, a wide grin on her face.

BREAK

"She sacrificed herself?"

Regina looked at her son, who was a little boy no longer.

"Yes," she told him.

"Why?" he asked, somewhat accusingly.

"Because your mother is an _idiot_ ," Regina spat.

"Didn't she save your life?"

"Precisely!"

Regina raised her eyebrows as Henry, who was several inches taller than her now, wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"You're… You're no less important than anyone else, Mom," Henry said quietly.

"Thank you, dear," Regina said quietly.

"So now… Now we have to save her," he said, letting her go.

Regina rolled her eyes. "Ya think?"

Henry laughed. "You sounded a lot like her then."

Regina rolled her eyes again, but she was smiling. "So… Operation Emma?"

"That's like her too. No imagination whatsoever when it comes to naming missions."

"Come on, Henry. Let's go home before your grandparents insist we plot and plan with them."

Henry was more than happy to hurry home with his brunette mother. He loved his grandparents, he really did, but keeping calm in a crisis was not one of their strong points.

"So why did she disappear? And why hasn't she come back?"

Regina tilted her head to one side. She had several theories. She decided Henry was old enough to understand, even if he might be hurt. Lying to him would hurt him more. If she'd learned nothing else in the last three years, she had learned that.

"The… The vortex of darkness, had enough power to do just about anything," Regina explained. "It could have taken her anywhere. I believe… It's definitely possible that it took her wherever she wanted to go. She may have been thinking of a specific place, or maybe just 'far away'. If she is still in this realm, we can summon her with the dagger."

"But you didn't let Hook try. Why not?"

"Because neither he, nor anyone else, owns her, and none of us have the right to summon her. She left because she _wanted_ to, even if it wasn't consciously."

Henry looked thoughtful. "But… if she was in this realm, wouldn't she… Wouldn't she come back for… For me?" he asked in a small voice. Regina took his hand.

"Of course she'll come back for you. I know Emma Swan, and I know she loves you more than anything."

Henry sighed. "I… I believe you. But she gave me up once before."

"She gave you up because she had no other choice. It was not her fault, and it was never because she didn't love you."

Somewhere in her mind, Regina registered how strange it felt to be defending Emma. But the thing was, it also felt _right_.

"What if she's not in this realm? Maybe she can't get back," Henry suggested.

"That's entirely possible. But she'll find a way - she is inordinately powerful. If and when she wants to be in Storybrooke, it will not take her long to get here."

"Like, with magic beans?"

"Exactly. There are several other ways, too. Portals exist all over the place. You have no need to worry about her. I am sure she is just fine. She has… She has a lot to work through."

"Because Grandma and Grandpa had another baby and named him after my dad even though my dad let her go to prison?"

Regina held back a chuckle. "You're a very insightful young man, Henry. I would imagine that is an element of it, yes."

Henry played with his mug; he'd finished the cocoa that had been in it.

"What's going to happen with Robin?" he asked.

Regina grimaced. She'd almost forgotten about him after they slipped away from Main Street. She sighed.

"I don't know," she admitted.

"He's your soulmate?"

Regina leaned against the counter. "So I've been told."

She believed it, too. Robin was her soulmate, and even that wasn't enough. She still wasn't first choice. Or second choice. She wasn't even third choice, if you counted Greenie's spawn. She felt for the spawn. Children don't choose their parents. But _still_.

"Maybe," Henry said, looking a little awkward as he talked about his mother's love life, "you should just… Not listen to destiny and stuff. I mean, the author was bullshit-"

"Language, Henry!"

"Sorry, Mom. But he was. And he's basically the same as destiny. Maybe you should just choose what you want."

Regina suddenly found her fingernails absolutely fascinating. Henry moved around the kitchen to put his arm around her.

"The way I see it, Mom, people have been telling you what to do and how to be your whole life. Even Robin makes decisions for you. But I know you have a good heart, and… You can make your own decisions."

Regina leaned into her son's embrace.

"I want to be here for you, and I want to repay Emma," she said softly.

"I don't think Ma was looking for repayment."

"Of course. But I… I am in her debt, regardless."

"Not everything comes with a price, Mom."

Regina held him tightly. "I very much hope that you are right. But I fear… I fear there must be consequences. Emma has absorbed a huge amount of dark magic."

"She's the saviour. She can handle it. We'll help her. And then we'll be a family again."

"A family?"

"Don't you think she's our family?" He smiled evilly. "I mean, she's technically your grand-"

"Don't you say it. But yes, Henry. She is."

 _She's our family._

BREAK

Ogres were even uglier when they were dead. Emma had a thought. If she was in the White Kingdom, she could poof to somewhere she knew. Like… Her old bedroom.

A puff of black smoke and there she was. It was in ruins. She was a little relieved - this meant she probably hadn't gone back in time. That had been a mess. Regina had looked _hot_ , though.

She brushed the dust off a teddy bear. Then she ripped its head off. It was no good to anyone. And they'd known she would never have it. She threw the lifeless body across the room and thought about the wardrobe. The wardrobe her parents had decided to put her in, instead of keeping her with them.

Emma didn't blame Regina, the so called Evil Queen. It hadn't even been her curse, it had been Rumpelstiltskin's, and she didn't blame him either. They'd had shit, they did what they had to. Snow and Charming, though… She'd been their baby.

Their _baby_.

And they'd sent her away, all alone, into an unknown world. A helpless child. She could have _died_. And they'd been fucking with her long before that. She couldn't even think of Lily now. She kicked whatever was nearest - the crib. Why had they even had this stuff? It made no sense. They'd known, they'd known what they were going to do long before she was born. They'd been planning for Snow to go with her.

Why had they waited? Why hadn't they gone before the curse was cast, before Snow was in labour?

Emma felt the room start to burn around her. She poofed out of the palace, then let the fire spread. She wanted it all to burn. All of it.

BREAK

Someone was pounding on the door of 108 Mifflin Street. Regina wondered, as she pulled on her grey silk robe, if there was really any point in having a door. It didn't really keep anybody out.

"What?" she demanded, channeling as much evil as she could muster. She wanted them to go away. It wasn't like she would _actually_ hurt them.

The opened door revealed the two idiots, Captain Guyliner, and (joy of joys) Robin Hood. The philanderer spoke first.

"Regina, we need you to give us the dagger?"

Regina took a deep, cleansing breath. Archie would have been proud.

"Why, Robin?"

"Because you… You shouldn't have that temptation."

At least he had the decency to look embarrassed when he said that. Regina resisted the temptation to slam the door in his face. She was too tired for this.

"Temptation?" she asked, fairly sure she knew what he was getting at, but wanting him to say it. She had to be sure.

"You can't have control of Emma's power!" Hook said.

Regina turned on him immediately.

"Oh, of course, because _you_ having it would be far better. I can just imagine it. Dark One, I summon thee. Dark One, I command thee, tell me you love me, make me a sandwich, _warm my bed_."

"You _heard_ her say it. She said she loved me."

"And your immediate reaction was to try to control her. You know her past, you know her desperation. From the moment you met her you've fought for her like she was a piece of meat. You treat her as a body, she has to be everything you need." At this she spared a pointed glance to Snow and David. "Emma has felt unwanted her whole life. You counter that feeling, Mr. Jones, and because of that, she'd do pretty much anything to keep you around."

"You know an awful lot about the saviour all of a sudden," Hook said angrily, disliking the sense in Regina's words.

"She is the mother of my son, the breaker of my curse, and the saviour of my town. It is in my interest to know her," Regina said tiredly.

"You still shouldn't have the dagger," Charming said. "It's not that we don't trust you-"

"It's just that you don't trust me. Right. Thank you. Rest assured, I have no intention of using the dagger. When Emma returns, I plan to give it to her."

"But we need to use it. We need to bring her back _now_ ," Snow insisted.

" _No_. Even if we could use it to bring her back, which is by no means a certainty, we should not do it. She is _angry_. She is angry with you, with… Probably with this entire world. She also has the power to destroy it. Her magic works outside of Storybrooke, you know. It did even _before_ she was the Dark One."

"What about Henry? He needs his mother."

Regina heard a shuffle behind her. She looked around. Henry had been listening.

"How much did you hear?" she asked him.

"All of it," Henry admitted guiltily. He joined Regina in the doorway.

"Regina's my Mom, Grandma. Ma is too, but she needs her space. She never signed up for this, for any of this, and I'm fine with Mom. I think we just have to wait for Ma to be ready."

"From the mouths of babes," Regina said, looking at Snow again.

Henry elbowed her. "Hey! I'm not a baby," he joked, standing even taller to look down on her. Regina laughed.

"Right, anything else?" she asked her unwanted visitors.

"Regina, we need to talk," Robin said.

"Not now. Tomorrow, Granny's."

"But Regina, I-"

Henry moved between them.

"Get away from my Mom, asshole. She said not now."

"Henry," Regina muttered. Henry turned to Regina, his mouth set in a firm line.

"Mom," Henry replied. He sounded… Both desperate and strong. Strong, himself, and desperate for her to be strong, too.

"Thank you," Regina said, taking his hand and leading him back into the house. She closed the door without so much as a goodbye.

Henry looked at the closed door.

"Do you love him?" he asked suddenly.

Regina bit her lip. "I don't know," she whispered.

"If you loved him, you would know."

Regina didn't deny it. "When did you get so smart?" she asked. Henry grinned.

"I've always been smart. You've just started listening."

"I'm so sorry," Regina said, her voice dripping with emotion. "I'm so sorry I didn't listen before. I'm so sorry I made you feel crazy, I'm so sorry I lied."

Henry pulled her into another hug. "You've always been a great Mom. You haven't always been great to other people, but you've been nothing but great to me. And you want to know the real reason I'm smart?"

"What?"

"I get it from you. Mom?"

"Yes, Henry?"

"Do I have to go to bed?"

Regina laughed. He was still her little boy, really.

"Why would you possibly _not_ have to go to bed?"

Henry grinned. "Well, what with Operation Emma and all, I can't really go to school tomorrow, can I? And after all that," he put on a silly voice and put his hand to his heart, "horrible drama outside, I just couldn't sleep."

Regina rolled her eyes. "As it happens, I don't really want to go back to bed either."

"Wanna watch that Detective show you like?"

" _One_ episode. Then we go to bed whether we like it or not."

"I'll get the ice cream."

"I never said you could have-"

"It's mint chocolate chip."

"Okay, fine, but _do not_ tell Emma."

Henry cackled as he scooped generous helpings of ice cream into two bowls. Emma would have eaten it out of the tub, but Regina just wasn't ready.

"I'm going to get fat," Regina said as she eyed her ice cream warily.

"I don't care if you get fat," Henry chuckled, diving into his own. "But anyway, one bowl of ice cream isn't going to make a difference."

"I was never allowed desserts…" she said. Henry looked away from the TV, meeting her eyes.

"You don't talk about it much. Your life in the Enchanted Forest. I'd like to know, I mean, when you're ready to tell me. I want to know what your childhood was like."

Regina leaned on his shoulder. "Lonely," she said carefully.

"I… It wasn't how I expected. I'd wanted to go there for so long but it was… It was hard," Henry admitted.

"I would never have raised a child there," Regina said. "It's a cruel realm."

"And your Mom… My other Grandma. She was even more evil than _you_."

Regina laughed humorlessly. Henry made a face.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just meant… From what people said, it seems like she wasn't a very good Mom."

"She always wanted the best for me."

"That's not the same thing."

"I know."

BREAK

A/N: So! What did you think? I'm partly using this story to explain why I find CS and OQ so problematic. There is going to be a fair bit of Henry, because I think he's awesome, but Emma will be back in Storybrooke very soon and this is first and foremost a Swan Queen story.


	2. Chapter 2

Trigger Warning: Forced sexual encounter. Reading this can be avoided by skipping the first section in _italics_ (also separated by breaks).

Note on this scene: This HAPPENED in the canon story. It was horrible to write, but I think it has to be dealt with. This section is also the reason for the rating upgrade.

A/N: Thank you for your feedback so far. If anything in this chapter or in any of my stories bothers you, please send me a message/tweet me at galsbeingpals/talk to me on tumblr at angtequilajolie.

BREAK

Emma stood in a cloud of smoke and white hot ash. It burned her but she didn't care; her body healed almost immediately anyway. The fire had been soothing; she was relatively calm now. Her anger hadn't dissipated, but at least it was dormant for now. She considered her options, and finding a way back to Storybrooke did briefly cross her mind, but Henry was safe. He was with Regina. They would understand, in the end. And it wasn't like she was _never_ going back. She would go. She just wasn't ready yet.

There was more in this land that she wanted to see. Needed to see. Had to see.

It was much harder to transport to a place she had never been to before, but she had seen pictures in Henry's book. To be on the safe side, she aimed for just outside, rather than a particular room.

The dark palace loomed above her, its aesthetic appealing to her blackening soul. There were no guards; in fact, there were no signs of life at all. Emma realised this made sense. The palace had been the centre of the curse. There would have been no escaping it here. She walked inside, using her magic to throw open the doors. She rather enjoyed making an entrance; it would be even better when there were people around to watch.

Interesting. So she _did_ want to see people again. Up until now she had been perfectly content alone. Well, content other than a lust for blood. Now she felt a lust for… Other things. She logged the question for Regina. _Does darkness make you horny as fuck too, or is that just me?_

Regina. This had been her home. It was nothing like as nice as the mansion on Mifflin. It was dark and dusty and… Not really Regina's. Emma imagined the life of the former Queen. Forced to marry a much older man, forced into his _bed_. Emma growled. How could they have done that to her?

She had seen Regina, frozen in darkness, accepting the pain as her rightful fate. No person should believe that, no person deserved that. And yeah, Regina had done wrong, but…

She'd never hurt Henry. She'd given him the best life. And then she'd given _them_ the best life. Her New York memories, her _fake_ memories, had proved to Emma beyond all doubt what a wonderful mother Regina was. She was kind, thoughtful… She treated Henry like a person, a whole person, she didn't patronise him, and she'd only ever lied to him about the curse. Emma secretly loved that she had Regina's values woven into her mind. It made her a far better mother in real life.

Emma was accumulating quite the list of questions for her co-parent. She wondered if Regina would tell her. Perhaps if she asked under the guise of understanding the darkness? It wasn't a lie, she really did think it would help her understand. But she had to admit there was more to it. She wanted to know Regina, she wanted to know what had happened. She was sick of second hand stories, of her parents' continuing belief that everything was black and white.

She found herself in a bedroom. It was dusty, but otherwise, perfectly preserved. She could _smell_ the magic, thick and spicy. The dark curse. But… And she was back to thinking about Regina. She could have made them suffer. She could have made them starve, she could have tortured them, she could have caused them endless pain. But instead, she took them somewhere clean and safe, somewhere, well, somewhere _nice_. She kept them all with her, as if she was afraid to be alone.

She made a school, she surrounded people with things that made them happy. Even Mary Margaret had been happy. She had a job she loved, she was surrounded by children, she still had all her friends.

Yeah, so David had been in a coma and married to Kathryn, but seriously? _That_ was Regina's big revenge? Snow had caused Daniel's _death_. Emma realised, somewhat to her old self's horror, that she would have sympathised if Regina had killed her father. Tit for tat, as it were. But Regina had even allowed Snow and Charming to find each other. She could have stopped them, she could have killed one or both of them. She still could, Emma realised. But she didn't, and she wouldn't. Because Regina Mills had never been truly evil.

Emma looked at the bed. She wondered where Regina had slept when she was married. It couldn't have been in here. She felt her magic buzz through her. It was capable of so much more than she knew how to do. She thought of Regina, trying to imagine…

BREAK

 _She was in a large bedchamber, bright and gold. She struggled, realising she was trapped, until she understood. She was in a mirror. The mirror of a memory._

 _A beautiful girl entered the room. Girl. A girl. She couldn't have been more than 18. Her fear made her seem younger, but the pain in her eyes was old. Regina Mills. She was wearing a white dress, a wedding dress, and she was followed by a servant. Neither of them spoke. Regina moved this way and that, allowing the servant to strip her down to her undergarments. Then she sat at the vanity, staring right into Emma's eyes, as the servant unpinned her hair._

 _Regina kept glancing sideways; Emma realised she was glancing at the door. She wanted to get out of the mirror, she was desperate, she fought against the glass but it wouldn't budge._

 __" _RUN, REGINA! GET OUT OF THERE!" she screamed, but she knew Regina would not hear her. There was no way she could stop this. It had already happened._

 _Emma felt tears prickle in her eyes as newlywed Regina set her mouth in a firm line and wiped away her make up. She was a child, an innocent child. Emma knew this story. Regina was here because she had saved Snow's life. She had seen her first love murdered in front of her just days ago._

 _Emma heard the door. Regina, too. She whipped her head around, but seemed to force herself to remain composed._

 _Emma watched the king, her grandfather, stagger into the room. He was drunk. He leered at his new bride._

 __" _LEAVE HER ALONE!" Emma yelled desperately. "She doesn't want this, she's just a child, you can't!"_

 _Regina was so submissive. She stood, emotionless, as Leopold kissed her roughly. Emma watched agonised brown eyes slip closed. A single tear trickled down Regina's cheek as her husband tore away her slip and underwear and shoved her towards the bed._

 _Emma didn't want to see this. She felt disgusting just watching it. But somehow she couldn't turn away; her eyes locked open and she stared as Leopold pinned Regina to the bed. Somehow, Regina's silence made it worse. She didn't lift a finger in defiance. She allowed her body to be violated as if this was nothing out of the ordinary._

 _Emma beat against the glass, bloodying her hands as she tried to break through. When it had started, she had been frozen, but now the vile man was forcing himself on her and Emma didn't care, she didn't care that this was the past and she couldn't change it, she didn't care that this needed to happen for Henry, she didn't care that it was impossible, she was the fucking Dark One and SHE HAD TO STOP THIS._

 _She screamed and roared as she watched Regina's pain. She would kill him. She would bring him back to life and kill him over and over again. She would torture him, she would rape him with knives and daggers and swords, she would rip out his throat, she would pull out his teeth, she would burn him alive, she would burn his whole family-_

 _His family._

 _Herself._

 _Emma Swan. She wondered how Regina could even look at her._

 _Leopold rolled over on the bed, snoring. Emma's fingernails drew blood on her palms as she clenched her fists and watched Regina's battered body shudder with huge, silent sobs. Emma slammed her fists against the impenetrable glass, but there was nothing she could do and she could feel herself being pulled away…_

BREAK

Emma threw up violently, all over Regina's floor. She dropped to her knees, choking and heaving, until there was nothing left in her stomach and her throat was burned with acid and bile.

She staggered to her feet. And then she SCREAMED _._ She was crying violently, but her tears were of rage, not sadness. She punched the wall, feeling several bones in her hand break. She punched it again, relishing in the pain. When she could no longer feel her arms, she healed them and started all over again.

As she punched, she thought. She couldn't get Regina's submission out of her mind. Regina's submission to her husband, but also Regina's submission to the darkness as it trapped her. Emma realised there was somewhere else she needed to go.

Reluctantly, she stopped punching and healed herself again. She didn't bother to clean up the blood, though.

BREAK

Henry put the finishing touches to the breakfast tray he had prepared. He popped a strawberry from the plate into his mouth (it had looked unbalanced!) then carried it upstairs.

Regina had been having a particularly violent dream. She had woken up sweating, shaking, and terrified, and was just emerging from washing her face in the bathroom when Henry knocked on her door. She opened it, managing to force some kind of smile.

"Oh, you're up," Henry said, sounding a little disappointed. Regina saw the tray in his hands (french toast, strawberries, a generous helping of syrup, and perfectly brewed coffee) and felt her eyes prickle with tears.

"Only just," she said. "That looks amazing. Thank you so much, my love."

"You have to eat it in bed," he told her. Regina allowed herself to be led back to bed. Henry moved to leave her to it.

"Would you sit with me?" she asked. "I know you want to steal more of my strawberries."

Henry smiled ruefully as he sat down on his mother's bed.

"How did you sleep?" he asked her. Regina took a bite of breakfast, not wanting to answer. Henry helped himself to a fingerful of syrup.

"I had a bad dream," Regina admitted. "But I'm fine now. This is amazing, dear. Where did you learn how to make French toast? I don't remember teaching you."

Henry looked a little uncomfortable, but seemed to brush away the feeling. "Emma taught me when we lived in New York."

"Did she now?" Regina asked conversationally.

"Yep. She's great at breakfast food, actually. Unless you gave those memories to her."

"No, I didn't," Regina said, chuckling. "Well, if she is so great, perhaps we can entreat her to make breakfast for the three of us when she returns."

"That would be _awesome_. And then you should make us all dinner. She adores your lasagne, seriously."

Regina laughed. "It must be a Charming thing."

Henry wrinkled his nose. "Do you think of me as a Charming?" he asked.

Regina tried to hide her feelings. "Do you want to be thought of as a Charming?"

Henry shook his head. "No," he said firmly. He gave no further explanation. Regina wondered why he was so sure.

"Well, I have always thought of you as a Mills. Or perhaps a Swan-Mills."

Henry laughed, but his serious expression returned after a moment. "I don't think Ma wants to be a Charming, either."

"Why do you say that?"

"They're not a very nice family to be related to."

"Coming from the son of the Evil Queen?"

Henry squeezed his mother's hand. "I… You make more sense than they do. They think… They think they deserve everything, like… Like they're spoilt, you know? Grandma had everything handed to her, she caused a lot of suffering as a child, but… She's not that _good_."

Regina frowned. "She saved my life, too, you know. More than once."

Henry looked surprised. "Really? I mean, I know she wouldn't let Grandpa execute you, but that doesn't count."

Regina rolled her eyes. "Okay, once, then."

"Will you tell me?"

Regina finished her breakfast and began the story of the week she spent in disguise as a peasant. Henry already knew about the deaths she had caused, it was in the book, but mother and son both flinched when she arrived at that part.

"I want to tell you I never meant for them all to die," Regina said miserably. "But that would be a lie. I gave the order, and I gave it clearly. I was young and foolish and filled with rage, and I should not have had the power I did, but I murdered all those people. There's no escaping it."

Henry paused. "At school, we talked about… Well, if you give a baby a gun-"

"Why would you give a baby a gun?"

"Mom."

"Sorry, go on."

"Okay, so if you give a baby a gun and it shoots someone, is the baby a murderer?"

"Does it know what it's doing?"

Henry decided to restructure his analogy. "Okay, a… A seven year old kid. They're really mad at their friend, and then they have a gun in their hand, and they kill their friend. Are _they_ a murderer?"

"I was not seven, Henry. I knew the consequences of my actions," Regina said gently. "And… I cannot tell you how much I value you defending me. But you should not take it so far. I cannot be innocent; I will never be _good_."

"Are you sorry?"

Regina looked him right in the eyes.

"More than I can ever express."

Henry met her powerful gaze, then leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.

"Then I forgive you," he said firmly. There was a buzzing on the nightstand. Henry leaned over and retrieved Regina's phone. He made a face.

"It's Robin," he told her. Regina sighed, took the phone, and answered it. Henry saw his cue to leave and disappeared with the breakfast tray.

BREAK

Granny's was busy and full of gossip, but for once the room did not fall silent when Regina entered. It was strange, not being the talk of the town for once. She rather liked it.

Robin was waiting for her, leaning on the bar. He tried to kiss her as soon as he saw her, but she moved away.

"Robin, we need to talk."

"Don't say that. When women say that, it only leads to trouble."

"I'm going to ignore your blatant sexism and get to the point. I don't love you."

Robin stared at her. He opened his mouth to speak, but she continued before he could.

"I don't love you, and you don't love me either. You chose Marian, and then even Zelena, over me. As is your right. I would never deny you your choice."

"It's more complicated than that. There were children to think of!" Robin protested.

"I know. But… I want to be with someone with whom I am my best self."

"You seemed pretty happy with me when we were in your vault!"

Regina sighed. "Regardless of my enjoyment at the time, I am not proud of what we did, what _I_ did. I went against my better judgement, your wife was dying… Anyway, I do not mean to blame you. I just… I don't want to do this any more."

"Is this about Henry?" Robin demanded. "Because he's a young man now and he should understand that you have other people in your life. He's far too tied up in your apron strings, in my opinion. It would do both of you some good to have other people in your life."

Regina paused, controlling her anger. Her fingers itched to make a fireball.

"No, it is not about Henry. But since you bring it up, he _is_ the most important person in my life, he always will be, and if you can't accept that, that's just another reason why we shouldn't do this."

"Hey, Regina, I didn't mean-"

"To criticise my parenting? To devalue the importance of my son's opinion?"

Robin had no answer. Regina reached out and patted his hand.

"You are… You're a decent man, Robin. But you don't belong with me."

"How can you say that? We're soulmates!"

"Because I get to choose. Finally, I understand that. I get to choose who I'm with, who I care about, who I give myself to. And it's nothing… It's not particularly personal, Robin, but I never chose you, and I don't want to."

"So you're giving up? After everything we've been through, now, when I need you the most?"

"I'll help you handle my sister. I won't leave you, or that child, to deal with her alone. And I'd still like to see Roland. But as your friend, nothing more."

Regina stood, leaving Robin to process. Thankfully, people were too preoccupied discussing their new Dark One to pay much attention to the love (or lack of love) life of the Ex-Evil Queen.

BREAK

A/N: Some of this was very difficult to write, and I would really appreciate your feedback! I'm hoping to update Extra Credit later today, too. And to those of you who've said you want me to write the show, feel free to let A & E know that I would happily accept pretty much any job they offered me.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: As with the previous chapter, you can avoid the triggering section by skipping the part in _italics_. Again, this is taken from what is implied in canon. I hope you can appreciate the necessity of its inclusion in the story, even though it is not enjoyable to read.

Trigger Warning: Child abuse.

BREAK

"Where is Emma?"

Regina should have known Hook and the two idiots would catch up with her sooner rather than later. The demand, from the pirate Regina liked to call Captain Guyliner, was accompanied by a generous helping of spittle which she was forced to wipe away on her sleeve.

"I do not know," she said formally. "And even if I did, I would not tell you. As I said last night, Miss Swan is incredibly powerful, and we must assume that her absence is by her own choice. She will return to us when she is ready."

"How can you be sure?" Snow wheedled.

Snow had always been a whiny child. When she was ten, Regina remembered, she had been almost sweet, spoilt and bratty but only in the way all princesses were. Most princesses, though, managed to grow out of the whining.

"I cannot be sure. But, Snow White, you would do well to consider what your beloved daughter has been going through these past few years, especially in the months since the birth of your son."

"What do you mean?" Snow asked, this question even more high pitched than the first.

Regina glanced sideways at Charming, who looked uncomfortable. It had been his go-to demeanor around her ever since he'd admitted to preferring her lasagne.

"She suffered, alone, for the first 28 years of her life. She felt abandoned and unloved. And then, when she finally found her parents, she was not enough for them - they felt the need to have another baby. A replacement baby."

"We put her in that wardrobe because of you, Regina," Charming defended.

"Exactly! And Neal isn't a replacement baby."

"Not to you, maybe. But have you talked about it with her? Have you reassured her? Have you, really, truly, included her in his life? She had a family until she was three, you know?"

"Yes, and then they gave her back! She does tell me these things, I am her mother!"

"And why did they give her back?" Regina spat. How could a woman who was supposed to rule a kingdom be so pathetically dense?

"Because they got pregnant with a baby of their own… Oh."

"Oh, indeed."

"But she knows it isn't like that with Neal," Snow said, trying to sound confident.

"Does she really?" Regina taunted. Sometimes Snow was too easy a mark to resist. She'd have to talk about this in therapy now. But no one could be perfect all the time.

"She said she loves me," Hook cut in. "Why wouldn't she come back for me?"

Regina rolled her eyes. These people. Did good really have to be synonymous with stupid?

"Did it ever cross your alcohol-addled mind that maybe she just told you what she knew you wanted to hear?"

"No, she wouldn't do that, she…"

"I am sure she will explain herself upon her return," Regina said.

"Then allow me to summon her!" Hook cried. Regina wasn't sure if he was begging or commanding.

"No. She should not be summoned."

For once, Charming spoke up when he saw sense. "Regina's right, Killian," he said, placing a hand on the pirate's shoulder. "Emma needs to know that she's free, that we won't try to control her or her magic."

"Thank you," Regina said. "Now, if you will all excuse me?"

They let her pass and she stifled a groan. They were so boring, so stupidly dull. At least Emma had been interesting, even when they were at each other's throats. She had been quick and witty and strong, she had thought about things, she'd had imperfections. She still had them, Regina reminded herself. She was not gone. She was just… Away.

Her phone buzzed. She checked it, smiling when she saw that the message was from Henry.

 _Are you still at the diner? Let me know if you need me to kick his ass for you._

Regina rolled her eyes, then called her son.

"There will be no ass kicking!" she told him as soon as he answered the phone.

"Fine. But if you ever change your mind-"

"Then I am perfectly capable of kicking ass myself."

"Touche. So I was thinking…"

"What is it, dear? Do you want to wait to tell me when I get home? I'll only be a few minutes."

She heard Henry sigh. "I just… Okay. I'll tell you when you get here."

Regina ended the call and walked more quickly, wondering what was bothering him. He opened the door for her when she reached the mansion, not even waiting for her to be fully inside before he blurted,

"Do you think we could find a way to talk to Emma?"

Regina paused, using the time it took to close the door and hang up her coat to properly consider her answer.

"Communicating across or between realms is definitely possible, though it requires a great deal of magic and skill," Regina said carefully.

"Magic and skill that you have?"

"Yes, dear. But…"

"I know, I know, we have to leave her to it and I get that. I just… I just want to know she's okay." Henry's voice had become terribly small, and Regina had to resist the temptation to pull him into a hug.

"I am sure that she is fine. But I think… Yes, I think she would understand if we sent her a message."

Henry grinned. "You're the best, Mom. Well, maybe tied for first place…"

"I suppose I will accept that. Grudgingly. Very well, follow me."

Regina led the way to her study and found the book she was looking for.

"Is that a magic book?" Henry asked, excited.

"No. It is an atlas of sorts." Regina leafed through it, showing him. "It depicts all the realms known to the sorcerer who compiled it in enough detail for reasonable accuracy. I plan to perform a kind of locator spell, which will be possible because you and your birth mother share true love. It, ah, it requires a drop of your blood."

Henry blanched, but only for a moment. He held out his hand. "Yeah, okay, go for it," he said, trying not to wince.

Regina stroked his hand in hers; he gasped as she magically pricked one of his fingers and withdrew a drop of blood. It wafted into the air in a red mist. Regina muttered an incantation, directing the mist towards the book with a sweep of her hand. The pages began to turn of their own accord as the mist hovered above them. They stopped, open at the Enchanted Forest, then the mist spiralled down towards the book, landing in a small but unmistakable red dot.

Henry and Regina both hurried to see where the dot was. It meant a lot more to Regina than it did to her son. She blinked. How was this possible.

"It can't be," she murmured.

BREAK

Emma was in a stable, and it smelled like death. There were no horses, no workers, no corpses… But death. Definitely death. She hurried out into the open, strangely aware of the easy grace her new magic gave her. She wondered briefly if this meant she was no longer clumsy. That might be handy. She already owed Regina three cider glasses.

Outside, she met Enchanted Forest countryside; sprawling fields bordered by seemingly endless woodland, with ragged mountains looming out of it in the distance. It was beautiful, if you liked that sort of thing. She did a kind of pirouette (entirely by accident) as she turned to see the house. She wasn't sure what to call it - a manor? A fortress? Even a small castle? It was far smaller than the palace, and mostly made of wood, with thatched roofs, and a high, spiked fence around the main buildings.

Emma materialised within the fence. As she expected, the place was deserted. She kicked at some dirt; it was dry and dusty, as if even the rain had been cursed away.

 _So this was where you grew up_ , she mused. She went inside, exploring, imagining…

 _There would have been servants, dozens at least, cooking and cleaning, attending to her every need. And tutors, she would have had tutors. Her speech held clear evidence of elocution lessons, her back was always ramrod straight… And she seemed to know everything._

"So, how does one come to know everything?" Emma asked the musty hallway. Regina's schooling interested her. Emma herself had been educated in a far more developed world, but she got the feeling she knew far less. While she and Regina were of well matched intelligence, Regina knew enough to win wars, to rule kingdoms - Emma was even impressed by her mayoral abilities.

Emma pretended that this interest was why she was here. She pretended that she didn't recognise the desperation in Regina's eyes when she was restrained - the resigned, accepting desperation. The desperation ground so deep into her being, into her very soul, that she didn't even fight it any more. Emma pretended she didn't know what she would see when she took herself back in time. She pretended, forced herself to ignore the obvious, because if she had admitted that she even suspected what she was about to see, she would never have gone.

And she had to go. She had to make it real. She had to have proof, she had to know that not only did Regina understand her darkness, she understood the cause. She understood the _pain_.

It had taken Emma a while to realise that even real, biological parents could abuse their kids. But growing up in the system, she had seen the evidence, and eventually, she'd given up on her dreams and accepted it.

She pushed away the memories. Now was not the time. She'd reached the end of the hallway and was in front of a surprisingly sturdy door. For a moment it made her think of a prison cell. She pushed it open; it was heavy. Without her magic she would have had to exert herself.

Magic came much more easily in this realm. It belonged here. Though, Emma realised, now she was the Dark One, magic probably felt comfortable everywhere.

If the stables had smelled like death, this room smelled like torture. There were no vicious instruments, the floors were polished wood without a blood stain in sight, but Emma would have bet her life on it. This was a torture chamber. She shuddered as she spurred her magic into action, transporting her back in time.

BREAK

 _Emma looked into the stoic eyes of a beautiful little girl, perhaps about seven years old. She knew she was in a mirror; she forced herself not to reach out. The helpless feeling would only intensify if she did._

" _Regina," Emma whispered softly. The girl's eyes snapped up. For a moment Emma thought she had heard her and wondered how horrific the butterfly effect would be if she simply pulled the girl away with her, but she realised the girl was not looking at her, but at the doorway. The scene was eerily familiar. Emma wondered how long it would be before she was sick again._

" _Regina," said a much lower, sterner voice._

" _Good day, mother," the girl trilled, slipping off her chair to stand, then curtsey._

" _You did not bow your head."_

" _Uh, yeah she did!" Emma could not help but defend. She remembered something, a particularly brutal day in a foster home, but she pushed the thoughts aside._

 _Tiny Regina curtsied again, this time bowing her head even lower, and remaining that way. She knew what was coming, Emma realised. She was seven and she knew what was coming._

 _Cora moved her daughter's hair aside and struck her upper back and the back of her neck with a cane that seemed to materialise in her hand. Ten strikes. Cora seemed to relish in them. Emma added to the list of people she wanted to bring back from the dead so she could properly torture them before killing them again. Repeatedly._

" _Thank you, mother," Regina whispered when she was allowed to stand again. Cora placed a hand on her shoulder almost gently._

 __" _I am helping you to better yourself, my dear. You are an ugly, evil child. You must be punished if there is any hope for you at all."_

" _Yes, mother."_

 _Cora left the room. Emma heard the lock click. Regina returned to sit in front of the mirror. She stared into it again. Emma had a feeling this was a punishment, too. There were no toys, no books, not even a doll or stuffed animal. There was a bed, perfectly made, a closet, and the vanity where Regina sat._

" _I am an ugly, evil child," Regina whispered._

 _Emma gasped._

" _No you're not. You're beautiful, you're lovely, you're good and important and kind-"_

" _I am an ugly, evil child." Regina spoke over her. It was worse than watching the beating._

 _Emma knew there was more, so much more, but she was shaking and crying and exploding with magic and she had to get out of there before she blew a hole in the space-time continuum or whatever it was they had in these weird ass magical realms._

BREAK

Emma poofed herself out of the house. She couldn't be in there, she couldn't be near it. Suddenly she was back in the basement when she was eight years old, locked in a closet when she was nine, pinned to a bed when she was twelve… She threw up blood, as if her insides really had been churning. She felt her magic heal what it had broken, but in a way she wished it wouldn't. She wanted to feel that pain again, she wanted to take it - as if taking it herself would somehow take it away from those dark chocolate eyes that were already so impassive.

Emma looked back at the house. It didn't even deserve to be burned. She wanted to annihilate it, but something stopped her. The darkness took away most of her inhibitions, she was happy to note she had very little conscience. But this was not her past to destroy. These were not her memories. She had invaded them without permission, but that was far enough.

She flopped down beside a stream and magicked some heavy rock music to lull her pain away. After a moment, she summoned a bottle of whiskey too.

BREAK

"Mom? What's the matter? Is she somewhere bad?"

Henry was panicked. Regina seemed to be in shock after learning Emma's location. She did her best to recover herself.

"No, Henry, she… I am sure she's fine. I just… I don't understand why she would be _there_."

"Why? Where is she?"

Regina bit her lip. "She is… She is at the place where I grew up."

Henry could feel the tension in the air, the raw pain his mother was doing a terrible job of hiding.

"Oh, okay… Well, I guess if we talk to her, she can tell us why she went there?"

Regina took Henry's hand. "You're right. It's probably a coincidence, she may have stumbled upon it and been interested for some reason. The Enchanted Forest is not huge, perhaps she sought some familiarity there. I suppose she will have heard some stories about it, and darkness often brings with it a kind of morbid curiosity."

Henry pulled Regina into a hug. "It's okay, Mom. You're not there any more."

"True. But in a moment, part of me will be."

"What are we going to do?"

Regina fetched the dagger, and the ingredients she needed from her vault. She created the potion in the kitchen - the microwave was especially superior to her medieval equipment.

"After I drink this, I will appear to be asleep," Regina told Henry. "I must be holding the dagger at all times, or I will not be tethered to anything, and I will fall into something akin to a sleeping curse."

"Where will you be when you're there? I mean, your body is still here…"

"I will be… It's difficult to explain, but I will be in Miss Swan's mind. Only a part of it, sort of like… A vision? She will be able to see me, as one sees a daydream, or something they imagine."

"Will you be safe?"

"As long as I hold the dagger." _And as long as I made the potion correctly,_ Regina added in her head. She tried to reassure herself. Worst case scenario, she would be rather sick, and Miss Swan's magic would almost certainly be able to restore her. But it was foolish to worry about this, anyway. The potion was perfect. She had no need to doubt her abilities.

"And she… She can't hurt you, can she?"

Regina admired her son more every day, though she hated that he had to consider the possibility of the blonde mother he idolised ever causing harm to anything. "You are… Thank you for asking, Henry. And no. She would not, for one thing. But even if she wanted to, my physical body will not be there to hurt, and I will be able to leave at any time. Even if she just annoys me."

"If you leave when she annoys you, you won't be there for very long," Henry teased.

Regina chuckled. "Is there anything in particular you would like me to say?"

"Just that I love her, no matter what. And I hope she's okay. And that I want her to come back, but only when she's ready."

"I'm sure she will be glad to hear those things. If you could make sure no one enters the house while I am gone? This will drain too much of my magic to sustain wards."

"How can I wake you, if people come in?"

Regina frowned. "There is no way to reliably wake me. But I suppose the normal methods might work."

"What, shaking, shouting, pouring a jug of water over your head?"

"If you pour water over me, the situation had better be _dire_ ," Regina said with a glare. Henry cackled, but became very serious when Regina held the vial of potion to her lips.

"I should be back in a few hours at most."

"I love you, Mom. Be safe."

"I love you too, Henry."

And with that, Regina drank the potion and collapsed backwards onto the couch. Henry arranged her as comfortably as he could, went to get his laptop and some snacks, then locked them both in the study. He wondered how long this thing would take…

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A/N: I can't wait for you to read the next chapter, but for now, what did you think of this one?


	4. Chapter 4

Emma was halfway down the bottle of whiskey and feeling much the better for it. She stretched out on the soft grass, vanishing her clothes down to her black tank top and leather pants, humming as the sun kissed her skin. Music, booze, nice weather… What more did she need-

"Regina? I'm kind of new to this magic thing, but I didn't just magic you here, did I?"

Regina seemed confused. "You wanted me here?"

Emma sat up, trying to make her fuzzy brain work faster. "I, uhm, I mean, I wanted to ask you about like, dark stuff."

Regina let out a breath. "I am not here on your summons, Miss Swan."

"You look, wait, kind of… Like you're here but not here?"

Regina smiled. "I'm in your mind."

The blonde's face fell with disappointment. "Oh. So I'm chatting to hallucinations now?"

"No. I am _me_. I'm just not physical. I'm here through a complex spell performed with your dagger. Henry and I decided it would be prudent to check on your wellbeing."

"But, wait, if the dagger works, why didn't you just summon me?"

"I didn't think you would appreciate it. And anyway, as it turns out, you are not in our realm. It wouldn't have worked."

Emma seemed interested. "I guess I should read up on all this stuff… So you can only summon me from the same realm?"

"That is correct."

"But you said you're using the dagger?"

Regina tried not to be patronising. After all, why should Emma know this? "I am. It is allowing me to talk to you."

"But you're kind of in my mind."

"Yes. Technically, your soul, but your soul is really just a part of your-"

Emma held up her hands. "Okay, that'll do. I'm already confused. Let's not make it worse."

Regina laughed. "Very well. I agree, straining your brain is probably all too easy."

Emma threw a fireball at a nearby tree. "Bitch."

Regina tried to remember how easily the darkness had taken her over at the beginning. It was as easy as regretting a slaughtered village.

"Henry wanted me to tell you that he loves you, no matter what, and that he misses you and wants you to come home, but only when you're ready. And I wanted to tell you…" Regina trailed off awkwardly. Emma stood, facing her. They would have been a hair's breadth apart if Regina had actually been there.

"What?" Emma asked, her green eyes flickering black.

"Thank you, Miss Swan," Regina said stiffly, yet still with more emotion than most people would put into a kiss.

Emma leaned back, dancing, more flamboyant now she was drunk, but no less graceful.

"You're welcome," she drawled. "Hey, if you're in my mind, can I…"

Emma concentrated, then blushed bright red as Regina's clothes disappeared. Regina raised one eyebrow as Emma covered her eyes and returned her clothes.

"Sorry, I didn't think it would actually work," Emma stammered.

Regina wondered if Emma had undressed her for the hell of it or because she was actually interested in what was underneath her clothes. From what she knew of darkness, it was raw, angry magic, fuelled entirely by emotion. Especially lust. Lust for blood, lust for flesh… Regina sighed. She knew she was attractive. That would be all it was. Still, Swan was attractive too. And if she was interested… But that a bridge that she really didn't need to think about crossing right now.

"That's alright. I know you must be feeling rather volatile. But, yes, how are you, Miss Swan?"

Emma thought about it. "Drunk," she answered.

Regina flicked her eyes pointedly to the whiskey bottle. "I figured. Enjoying that?"

Emma shrugged. "It's weird. How's Henry?"

"He is well. As I said, he misses you. But he is trying to understand. He wants you to have the space you need."

"He's a good kid. You raised him right, Regina. And… And you, are you okay?"

"Yes. Thank you. I...ah, I broke up with Robin."

"About time!" Emma blurted out before she could stop herself. "I mean, uhm, sorry?"

Regina chuckled. "I fear your true feelings have already been betrayed. But do not worry, Henry shares them. And I do, too… It was never something I chose."

Emma nodded. "I think… I think you could be in a really good place, Regina, if you want to be. That's why I saved you. I mean, partly. Now I'm kind of just pissed at you. But in a good way? I dunno, I… This is so weird, my body's so eloquent but my mouth..."

"Is just as useless as usual," Regina supplied.

"I'll have you know, there are some things my mouth is _awesome_ at."

Regina smirked, as if to say, prove it. Emma smirked back, as if to say, whenever you're ready. But neither of them actually said anything at all.

"What about my parents..?"

"They wanted to summon you. Hook, too. He is quite worried."

"Oh, shit. Him. I forgot about him."

Regina almost cackled. " _Please_ may I tell him that?" It seemed being around Emma brought out the darkness in her.

"Only if I get to watch," Emma said wickedly. "Hey, Regina?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Is it normal that I really want to fuck shit up? I also really want to… _fuck_."

Regina smiled ruefully as she thought of some of her conquests when she first embraced her darkness.

"I'm not sure I count as 'normal'. But I certainly felt similar."

Emma paused. She looked around, feeling conscience-free energy bubbling up inside her, wanting to roar with the passion of it.

"How do you control it?" she asked. For some reason, Regina felt an impulse to reach out and touch her shoulder. She was glad she was only a flicker - it was much harder for her physicality to betray her this way.

Emma felt suddenly afraid, but it only lasted a moment before her magic channeled the fear into an angry kind of power. Her anger built and built, she thought of everything she had seen, Regina's horrible past, everything the visions had reminded her of in her own world.

Regina seemed to be following Emma's thoughts. They were very connected, the sorceress supposed. She felt her heart snag on something in Emma's mind.

"What are you doing here?" she asked suddenly.

"Were you just in my head?" Emma accused.

"I am still in your head," Regina evaded. Emma narrowed her eyes, but decided they were probably about even.

"I wanted to get, like, your origin story."

"Like those superhero comics Henry reads?" Regina chuckled. "I am no hero, Miss Swan."

Emma shrugged. "The bad guys have origin stories too."

"Was mine as you anticipated?"

Emma bit her lip. "I didn't want to look. It reminded me too much of my own childhood. But… Fuck, Regina."

"It was a different time. A different world."

"Bullshit. I mean, maybe what you're saying is true, but you're saying it like it makes a difference. How could people hate you? How could they not help you?"

"I killed hundreds. Do you mean to imply you believe that was in some way just?"

Emma thought about the people Regina had killed, all the people who had failed to help her, who had allowed their society to develop in such a way that it was allowable to treat children the way Regina had been, both by her mother, and by her husband.

"Yes," Emma spat. "I do. I would kill them all again."

"That is the darkness talking. Killing solves nothing."

"Maybe not. But I feel like it would feel damn good."

Emma took another swig of whiskey.

"Can you drink with me?"

Regina considered her consciousness. "I drink when you drink. I can feel the effects."

Emma grinned and downed the rest of the bottle. She looked a little queasy for a moment, but her grin remained.

"I've always wanted to get you drunk," she admitted.

Regina quirked an eyebrow. "Why?"

Emma did a kind of dance. Sometimes the magic just needed to _move_.

"Because you're hot. And you have all these walls, and I want to get past them."

"Why?"

"Are you five? You can't just keep asking why."

Regina pouted. "But I want to know."

"You're interesting. Real. I always thought that, even before the curse was broken. And even after the curse it was broken."

She swatted at Regina's pouting lip, even though she couldn't touch it. Then she paused.

"I don't want to use you."

"Use me in what way?"

Emma rolled her shoulders. "I know you like sex. I know I'm not bad looking. And right now I _really_ like sex too. But you're not a sex toy, Regina. You never should have been."

Regina saw something else, something Emma had seen-

"You watched," she whispered. Her emotions flew across her face too quickly for Emma to recognise, but the resting one was

RAGE.

"Regina, I-"

"Save it, Swan," Regina spat. "I'm going back to our son. You should, too. He misses you."

"No, don't go, I…" Emma reached out with everything she had to keep Regina with her, to make her understand, but it was no use. Regina faded out of her mind, and she was left alone.

BREAK

"Mom? Mom!"

Regina awoke to Henry standing over her, looking panicked. She tried to pull herself together, but Emma had thrown some magic crap after her and she felt…

She leaned over and threw up all over the floor. She cleaned it up almost instantly with magic, but it was still gross.

"I thought you said it was safe," Henry protested. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Regina croaked. "That was just the whiskey."

"Whiskey? You were drinking? I thought you didn't have a body… Can you drink without a body?"

"Emma was drinking," Regina said weakly.

"Is she okay?"

Regina thought about it. "She will be."

Henry narrowed his eyes. "You look like you're mad at her. Are you mad at her?"

Regina opened her mouth, but Henry interrupted.

"Don't lie, Mom. I'll know."

His mother sighed. "Fine. I am mad at her."

Henry groaned. "What did she do this time?"

Regina settled into a more comfortable position on the couch. "She invaded my privacy, she looked, watched things she had no right to see. And she wasn't going to tell me, the magic showed me."

"So you saw in her mind, too?"

Regina glared at him. "It's not the same."

"No. But… Usually when you or Emma do stupid stuff that makes _me_ mad, it's really because you care about me. Even if you had no right to gang up on me and go through my things."

"Henry Daniel Mills, there is no excuse for pornography, and the fact that you were hiding those magazines in your room suggests your other mother and I have _every_ right to both gang up on you, and search your possessions whenever we see fit."

It was still a sore topic. Henry reddened. Truth be told, he was ashamed of having the magazines. One of the older lost boys had given them to him as a "present" and yeah, the girls -women- in them had been hot, but he didn't really believe in objectification.

 _What if it had been me in there? Or Regina? Would you be okay with random guys jerking off to us, too? Because that's what this is, kid._

Emma had been pretty mean even before she was dark. But she'd had a good point. They still shouldn't have gone through his stuff, though. Two moms were way worse than one when it came to spying on him. Neal wouldn't have grounded him for porn. Then again, that was probably because Neal had never been a very good parent.

"Okay, okay," Henry muttered. "But seriously. Maybe she just looked at whatever it was because, I dunno, she thought it was the right thing to do. Didn't you say it would be super hard for her to control her impulses right now?"

Regina sighed. "Yes."

"What did she look at?"

"I… I will tell you, Henry. But I'm not ready. And I would ask that you do not question Emma about this, either."

"So you think she's coming back soon?"

"I… I hope so. She seemed to miss you, she wanted to know that you were okay."

"But she didn't say how long she would be?"

"I'm afraid I… When I became angry with her, I cut our conversation rather short."

" _Mom_."

"I am sorry, Henry. I was angry! Dr. Hopper said exiting volatile situations is a reasonable strategy."

"Yeah, but he didn't mean this one! I guess I understand, Mom, but now we don't know anything. She was drinking, she made you mad… She usually gets pretty upset when she makes you mad. Mary Margaret's gone through, like, seven toasters since Emma came to town."

Regina tried not to smirk at the destruction of Snow's household appliances. After all, Henry was right. Pre-darkness, Emma might just have hurt toasters. But these days there was no knowing what she would do when she was in a mood.

BREAK

"FUCK! YOU BITCH, YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE, MOTHERFUCKING EVIL FUCKING WHORE! SERIOUSLY REGINA WHEN I GET BACK TO YOU I WILL WRING YOUR GORGEOUS LITTLE NECK!"

Emma continued to screech and scream, a cacophony of curses and threats that were hardly even conscious. She was so angry, so, so angry. And so powerful. A storm brewed above her, thunder cracking between dark clouds, rain beginning to pour down, soaking through her clothes. Her magic kept her warm, it was a fire burning within her, dark and delicious and furious.

How could Regina have left? Emma _wanted_ her. Wanted to punish her, wanted to yell at her, wanted to get right up in her face and kiss her- Wait, what? Kiss her? She was _mad,_ why did she want to kiss her?

Emma paused. The rain slowed. Her anger evaporated into wild lust. Oh, hell.

"I won't use her," Emma muttered. "I just have to see her."

Realm hopping. She flexed her magic. What did she know about realm hopping? You needed lots of magic, lots of energy, and a portal. Magic beans, Jefferson's hat, or-

"A mirror!"

Emma remembered the story and raced back to the house. Yeah, it wasn't a portal right now, but she knew with the combined forces of her true love magic and dark one magic, setting it up again couldn't be that hard.

She was going to get back to Regina and they were going to finish their conversation. Their conversation about…

Back in the house, it was impossible to avoid. The thoughts, the memories, the latent magical anguish. The building was stained with a lifetime of Regina's suffering, and Emma felt it. All of it. It flashed through her mind, memories she shouldn't have, memories she didn't want. She shuddered, and remembered Regina's anger. Regina didn't want her to know this, she didn't want her to know any of it. Emma wondered why. It made her make so much sense. Why didn't she want to be understood?

Emma faced her reflection, appreciating her toned figure. She touched up her outfit, drying herself off and fixing her hair into a tight, elaborate up-do. She stylised her make-up, too. She didn't have to look as dark and sparkly as this, but it worked with the leather. And the general Dark One vibe. Because she was the Dark One. She liked Regina, she respected her, she wanted to be friends, but she was the Dark One. She was in charge.

She waved a hand over the mirror, feeling for the ripples in the magic that held all the realms together. They were easy to find, her fingers caught on them, areas of pliability, and she reached in and pulled them apart until the entire surface of the mirror swam like liquid.

 _Storybrooke_. That was easy too, it was an anomaly, unlike anything else in the universe. She made sure it was fixed as her destination (she really didn't want to end up in Wonderland, no matter how appealing removing heads sounded right about now) and looked around one last time.

She had no conscience. She could tell. But she was still Emma Swan, and her heart still ached for the little girl she had seen. She let out one last wave of grief for the child, then dived into her portal.

BREAK

Snow snuggled up to her husband. The baby was sleeping, and they were alone. It had been a long day, Emma was still missing, Regina was being no help at all, and right now she just needed comfort. Charming stroked her hair, and then other places…

"Seriously?!" Emma demanded as she burst out of the mirror. She checked the window. "It's the middle of the day!"

Snow hurried to properly cover herself with the sheet, her cheeks crimson.

"Emma! We didn't, I, uhm-"

Emma had forgotten, in her haste to get to Storybrooke, that everyone else would be here too. She wanted to see Regina; she had no desire to deal with _these people_.

"I'm moving out," Emma said tonelessly, snapping her fingers for effect as she magicked all her possessions down to her car. "I'll leave you to it."

With that, she disappeared in a puff of acrid smoke.

"What happened to our baby?" Snow almost sobbed.

"Hey, hey, at least she's back," Charming soothed.

BREAK

Ew. Fairytale characters. Gross. Emma was sorely tempted to destroy their happiness. But Regina. Right. She was here to see Regina. She could incinerate things later. She got in the car. Maybe Regina could get her a house, too. She had designed the town, after all.

She drove like a maniac, since she couldn't die, and she didn't give a shit about anybody else. She reached the mansion and swerved into the drive, then bounced along to the door, rapping on it with enthusiasm.

It was opened by a tired looking Regina, who attempted to slam it in her face as soon as she realised who was outside. Emma stopped it with her foot.

"Talk to me," she pleaded, in a rather terrifying impression of her mother.

Regina groaned. She thought about what Henry had said, and opened the door more fully again.

"Fine. What do you want to talk about?"

Emma did her best "dark" face.

"You left me. It was rude."

Regina rolled her eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me!"

"Miss Swan, this isn't 50 Shades of Pleather. What do you want?"

"To talk."

Regina waved her hand. "So talk."

Oh. Emma hadn't really planned anything out past this point. She'd envisioned a grand battle, not a tired, gorgeous mother allowing her to speak her piece.

"I want a house," she remembered, smiling that she'd thought of something reasonable. It was definitely better than, "I felt inexplicably drawn to you, especially your lips."

Regina blinked, but she only took a millisecond to catch on and gather her snark. "So you finally realised you might be a little old to be living with your parents?"

Emma pouted. "Give me a house or I'll go all evil on your ass."

Regina raised an eyebrow. "No you won't."

"I might!" Emma insisted. "I'm the Dark One, I'm wicked and unpredictable."

Regina held back her comments about how adorable all this was, and beckoned Emma inside.

"The town plans are at my office. We can go there now, or we can look tomorrow. You can stay here tonight, if you like. I'm making chili and baked potatoes, and Henry would be delighted."

Emma couldn't resist. "I'll stay. But you should know, I'm cutting you a lot of slack."

"Thank you, your darkliness," Regina teased as she led the way to the kitchen. "Henry! Your biological mother is here," she called up the stairs. She turned back to Emma. "I know it's even harder than usual for you to control your vulgar impulses, so I have chosen to forgive you, on the condition that you never speak of what you saw, you do not treat me any differently, and you promise to begin working on controlling your power _immediately_."

"Working how?" Emma asked, trying not to sound whiney.

Regina stirred the chili. It smelled amazing. "I will help you."

"What if I hurt you?"

They both knew it was a very real possibility.

"I have the dagger. If need be, I will stop you."

Emma nodded. "Okay. I… I'd rather you have it than anyone else," she admitted.

"Really?" Regina seemed surprised.

"Yeah," Emma said. "I trust you."

She said it as if it was the simplest thing in the world. It resulted in them both thinking about kissing an awful lot until Henry came in and cannonballed into his blonde mother in a way he hadn't done in years.

BREAK

A/N: Please tell me what you think, especially now we have SwanQueen interactions!


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